Fishing at China Walls

Peekaboo

Post-shower

Icing on the cake

And an amazing sunset! Can life be any better???

Epic

I've never seen Bowls this big - not ever! Meliss, Mark and I scored
Wailupes totally empty for 1.5 hours. An unreal day of surf on the
south side. Time to rest up and gear up for another good one tomorrow.

Making sense of the anxiety

I only have a little time to write, but I realized some other things that I'm praying about right now and I'm starting to notice a connection between all of the heavy stuff going on around me and the weight I feel to want to make things better for everyone around me.

So, adding to my mentioned list of prayers (Susan, Mom and Dad, Irene, Jane, Melissa, J, and surf), I'm praying also for Lillian and Brad, Meggie, and Cat.

Lil's been dealing with some frustrations at work and home; Meggie's ex-husband died in a car accident this week; and Cat's dad died in the Philippines.

With all of these things going on with my close friends (THREE deaths!), it's kind of no wonder I'm feeling so much gloom and doom right now. I'm really going to pray today.

And I'm going to surf, too. I'm definitely going to let it out and surf.

welcome to my life

so, it's come to my attention AGAIN that i have some new readers of the blog, and while i'd like to crawl into my own private hole labeled "bren's life - keep out," i've decided to keep plugging along as usual. you won't expect any censoring or lack of honesty here. i have told and will continue to tell it like it is. the very naked truth is the way i roll.

the week was very (VERY) interesting. among the things on my mind (and i'm going to list them before i forget):

1. i've begun to pray everyday
   
2. jane has a new boyfriend
3. melissa's dog died
4. my first Phoenix teaching stint ended with a blackout (in all its senses)
5. the surf is HUGE
6. i've been experiencing some serious anxiety
   
7. J is coming next week -- and i'll be visiting him in late july
8. i have a really FULL weekend ahead of me
   

let's see if i can get through all of these items as quickly as possible. i've been praying because i've been needing some peace in my life -- some quiet time to contemplate and channel my positive energy toward others. on the forefront of my mind has been susan, and i've been thinking of her happiness and hoping that she will find it. my parents are right now in europe, so i've been praying for them too. and my sister has some much-deserved time off, which she's spending with owen, so i've been praying for some quality time. and i'm praying for jane, who's working through a romantic knot (which i'm fairly confident she's settled). and i'm praying melissa can see the light at the end of the grim tunnel of mourning after her dog tyger's death. i'm praying for my Phoenix mentor darrell, who was laid a huge blow simultaneously at work and in his personal life. finally, i've been praying for surf when J comes, because that would just be icing on the cake.

i'm praying because i feel more energy should be spent thinking of others and not myself. while it's been a really healthy process, i've started to realize that energy is actually being sucked away from me, and i actually sometimes feel emotionally and mentally tired from it. i think it's a good sign, yet i think i need to find a healthier balance between others and me. sometimes, as i've learned is my tendency, i concern myself too much with others and forget about what makes me happy.

well, the praying has actually been working in many unseen and magical ways. one physical manifestation of it is in the ocean. the surf has been so unbelievably epic. many are calling it the best season in 20 years! i've been stoked just being in the water, better yet catching waves, so i'm a pretty happy chick. i'm going to keep praying until J gets here -- pray for surf, pray for happiness, pray for health, and pray for everything good in this world.

so, the anxiety. it seems to be a counterproductive thing that's been ailing me this week. just today i left my keys at work and drove back 45 minutes roundtrip to retrieve them only to realize i also left my dad's cool (and expensive) pen on the table in the lounge by my classroom. i've resolved that the pen is likely long gone right now, but it just goes to show that i've got some serious tension in my mind and body that needs some release. and, despite the surf being amazing, i've still got some serious case of anxiety in the form of worrying about the future.

why after all these years of being so chill have i suddenly begun to worry? i think part of it has to do with feeling like i'm about to make a huge sacrifice for J and i'm going to fall flat on my face and he won't be able to catch me. there's this thing called trust that i seem to have lost along the way that i'm trying to reclaim and have so far been unable to fully attain. i think i've become so self-reliant that trusting someone else with my happiness is really scary. i'm not sure i'm making any sense right now, so i'm just going to leave this anxiety talk for another day when my head's a bit clearer.

finally, J will be coming to the islands and i'm kicking into my "get shit done before his arrival" mode. so many things need to get done. i'm confident they will, and that his visit will be sweet, but thinking about seeing him again gets me so excited that i need to counter it with some more praying.

that's enough for now. i've got laundry, writing, grading, praying, surfing, thinking, and being to do, so it's off to some one of the items on that checklist. life could be much worse, but life could also be a little less stressful. pray for me.

Double Feature

I finally made some headway in nearly all categories of life yesterday. In the morning, I worked on writing and reading and took a long nap. Then I got my haircut using Lillian's gift certificate. I spent a few hours working on Punahou stuff, and then headed to Devin's stoplight party/BBQ. I got to catch up with so many friends that I haven't seen since March -- before my trip to Nicaragua & Cuba. Afterward, Tony and I watched a double feature. The first film was Pelham 123 (with Denzel Washington and John Travolta), and then we snuck into The Hangover. Both were really good movies.

I haven't been to a movie in a really long time, so the theatre experience was completely new to me! They now have a pre-movie show with entertaining news and commercials. It's like watching a variety show for 30 minutes before the film actually begins! I don't know why I'm surprised. I guess I'm just behind the times. The whole movie experience is pretty beyond me. I guess I'm just used to watching something and being entertained that I don't need the theatre experience so much as be transported for a few hours and stop thinking about real life.

But real life is great, as usual. I'm great. Not only is it the summer solstice today, but it's also Father's Day AND my mom's 60th birthday! My mom and I just returned from lunch at CPK and she remarked at least three times today how she's suddenly feeling her age. It's so strange, though, because she looks so young she could pass as my older sister. She had me when she was thirty and now I'm thirty thinking about how far away I am from even considering the idea of having a child. She also mentioned how when she was my age, the last thing on her mind was traveling and that it was a completely irresponsible thing back in the 70's. It just goes to show how different we generations are, yet how lucky we "youngsters" are to have the luxury to travel if we so desire.

But I'm busy. Time to get to work.

Mmmm...

Grilled sweet peach ala mode! :p

Muddling the mint/lime

Devin's Stoplight Party!

Mojitos!!!

Painting

Kira and I spent the early part of the evening painting. I don't think I've done that since I was in middle school, so it was a really therapeutic thing for me. I love just sitting and thinking and talking. I'm really happy with how my piece turned out.

This weekend will be spent catching up on work of all kinds. The surf is just too windy, which makes it easier for me to buckle down and plow through all of the tasks I have stacked up. After this Wednesday I think things will be much more manageable. I'll be able to write more, and wrap my head around my big travel plans in August and September.

TGIF

well, it's not friday quite yet, but close enough -- and WOW am i glad this week went by without a hitch. i'll be moving out of this cozy kailua home in the morning, saying goodbye to the cats, and hello to the Star House, which is in many ways an even better place to take residence this summer. in fact, i can't really think of a cooler temporary home than my angular, adolescent abode.

i guess with all of the different tasks this week time has slowed down to a crawl. usually time speeds up when there's so much to do, but i can't believe it's been so darn slow this week. everything's been going great. both Phoenix and Punahou are going fine, i've been relieved of one of my writing duties, which i think is for the best, and everything else is just dandy.

the surf is finally simmering down, but that's not stopping me from paddling in - OH - an hour just to enjoy the water and maybe clear my head and decompress a little. J bought his ticket to visit me and i'll be seeing him in a two weeks for a week. i can't wait for that.

until then, things are just going to plug along as they have been quite smoothly in fact. life is good -- if not great. aside from J not being able to enjoy life here with me, i'd say things couldn't be much better here in paradise. 'til the weekend, ALOHA!